My Abusive Marriages Cost My Father's Life.

I met my first husband in 2005, he was living in the UK and had promised to return home and marry me. He asked me to wait on him and I did, I stayed a virgin until his return. So basically he was the first man I knew sexually. Prior to his arrival he asked me to get a bigger place and start paying the rents and that he would take over after we get married.

He finally returned, we got married and he asked me to continue paying the rents and cover all house expenses. When we had our first child, I had to be on maternity leave, I wasn't getting paid and couldn't pay the rent. I fearfully explained that I couldn't pay the rent, he insulted me and told me I must pay the rent. That evening I went to negotiate with the landlord. The landlord told me to ask my husband to pay the rent, that it is shameful for my husband to allow his wife to go through what he is putting me through. When he found out that I went to negotiate with the landlord, he beat the hell out of me. I ended up with a fractured knee. I was forced to lie to my friends and family that I fell from a bike.

From that point I experienced nothing but abuse, from insults to bruises to insults and back to bruises. I told one lie after the other to coverup to my friends and family. The more I covered him, the abuse only escalated.

I continued handing over my salary and he was the one who went to the market to purchase food in the house. He counted the sachets of milk, Maggie cubes, meat, level of salt and everything he bought with my money. One day I realized the 30 sachets of milk ran out before the end of the month and decided to buy extra food stuff for our children without his permission. He came back home and gave me the beating of my life and destroyed everything I bought. I took pictures and shared my trauma with his family and they invited us to try to fix the problem.

On arrival, instead of fixing the problem, he started flogging me under the watchful eyes of his brother and my sister in-law. They locked the door and left him to continue until a neighbor broke the door and rushed in to separate us. At some point I became unconsciousness and was rushed to the hospital. I left the hospital and was made to return to my marital home with him. Through all of that baby number two came.

After 2 children, he warned me never to get pregnant again, I did the best I could not to get pregnant until one fine day I found out I was pregnant. He beat me up and told me he was not the father, everything took a downturn from there. He did not want to have anything to do with me. After the baby came, I went into post partum depression, he will not talk to me, nor touch our third child. Before you ask how I got pregnant, I want you to know that I didn't have a choice when he had the urge to have sex. It was an order and my responsibility to please him sexually regardless. One day he asked me to take the third child to my parents and I did but nothing changed, it only got worse. My father intervened several times to solve our problems until one day, he decided the third child could come home. I continued to live in fear, I was walking around on egg shells in the house sacred of the unknown. I was afraid to do anything without instructions from him. I would pretend to laugh when he laugh for fear of what he would do to me if I didn't laugh. I would pretend to enjoy sex just to please him. I suffered in silence and for the most part kept everything to myself.

On this fateful day, I have no idea what I did but he came home and beat the hell out of me, threw me out on the streets and asked me never to come back. I would go from one friend's house to another, sometimes, spend the night on our veranda until he gave strict instructions not to let me in through the gate. I slept here and there and on the streets for 10months. Through all of that, I continued faking the "happy marriage" until I could fake no more. I made my mind to move on so I found a small place to start my life over.

He continued blocking me from seeing my children, gave strict instructions to the baby sitter not to let me go anywhere near my children. One day I went to their school and was booed and locked out of the school gate. The lady told me I was not allowed to see my children. The pain became unbearable for me and I started considering suicide. On this fateful day, a little voice spoke to me, telling me to go and rescue my children before they die. I made all necessary plans that led me to take them away from the house when he was not around. When he returned and didn't see the children, he called me and said " your heart don cold nor" I said "yes" and that was it. He never came back for the children but insisted that I return the baby sitter. I did and he never came for his children.

The only thing left to do was to delay the divorce proceedings. He never showed up in court for four years. The matter dragged until the judge took pity on me and granted the divorce in his absence. The judge told me he heard my husband boasting that he would punish until I die , he would never grant me a divorce. I was granted our house and full custody of the children. I walked away from the house, left it for him and took my children with me. Alas, I was free in 2014..

You would think I learned my lesson and chose better in my next relationship.....

I eventually married another man who was more abusive than my first husband. I will be sharing part two of my journey in a few days. Let me rest....

Affaire a suivre ...

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